An Open Letter to a Self-Appointed Critic

There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.Jill Churchill

Dear self-appointed critic,

I feel the urge to write this open letter because I can see you everywhere these days. Yes, you! The stranger who just gave me the hard stare followed by the eye roll as my kid was having an epic meltdown in the grocery store. Your furious gaze bothers me, when my daughter throws tantrums in a shopping mall or when she screams in a cinema hall.

It’s you who have to understand that she’s just a child. I know her behaviour was disruptive (believe me, I KNOW). But she doesn’t know. All she knows is that she’s thirsty, and mommy wouldn’t let her bring home the most beautiful doll she’s ever seen… since leaving home 30 minutes ago where she has three more like it.

[wordads]

She doesn’t know how to express her big feelings. I will not make her feel guilty for that. I will take deep breaths, and I will love her through this. Every single time, even when you are annoyed.

Why are you being so judgemental when my child is a slow learner? Oh yeah, She’s going to be 2 soon and she doesn’t know how to pee or poop on her own. OMG! I should be ashamed of myself for that but guess what! I’m not. Because I know, every child is unique and has his/her own pace to learn things.

There is no one PERFECT way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different (CHALLENGES, different SKILLS and ABILITIES, and certainly different children, The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Elder M. Russell Ballard

Besides that instead of being worried, I dare to enjoy my “Me Time”(If it doesn’t bother anyone!). No, I’m not being selfish or a “careless mother”. I’m just trying to live the life that I once had before I was a wife or a mother. So you are nobody to decide whether or not I own my life. If you think, I’m saying these things because I’m a misandrist, you’re wrong. I’ve some problems with women too.

It is so painful to see a mother who has walked the rough path of parenting herself but who still condemns another mother. You do this to show off your competence. You have turned this whole motherhood thing into a competition and that’s pretty painful!

Motherhood is not a competition to see who has the smartest kids, the cleanest house, the healthiest dinners, the nicest clothes… Motherhood is YOUR journey with YOUR children.

Haven’t you secretly grinned when you saw a mother struggle with parenting? Aren’t you guilty of illustrating your knowledge and emphasizing the ignorance of another mother? Don’t you gossip about how much or less a child eats/plays/studies/sleep and so on because the mother is inefficient? Weren’t you the one who thought that the child was mischievous because the mother chose to work or stay at home? And despite knowing that each child is different, you leave no stone unturned to prove that there’s something wrong with his/her mother and how right you are!

[wordads]

I’ll tell you a secret here. Every mother, no matter how messy she may look or behave, knows exactly what’s best for her child. That instinct was born in her the day she conceived and it will remain with her all her life. So there’s nothing much that you can do to make things any better. Because between a mother and her child things are already perfect!

[wordads]

I am a parent every second of every day. Today you saw me parent for a small fraction of time in the vast scenario of life. You don’t see what my life is like most of the time.

This moment, the one in which you’ve made a snap judgment about me and my parenting, is a mixture of everything—the two parenting articles I’ve already read this month (with totally different views), my mom’s advice, my mum-in-law’s advice, that thing the paediatrician said last week, not to mention my fatigue, my joy, my overwhelm.

“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had, and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed” Linda Wooten

So whether you thought I handled things poorly or well really doesn’t matter, because unless you are me, raising my children, you don’t have the right to judge.

I already spend my days questioning everything I do—I don’t need your questioning glances on top of it.

So Keep your judgments to yourself and only offer advice when asked for. All the mothers would not only take a breath of relief but might just bless you in return for giving them non-judgmental and unconditional support.

[wordads]

Hope this open letter would give you the wisdom to let a mother be and allow her to enjoy the wonderful days of parenting without the fear of being judged and criticized when she makes a mistake. But who doesn’t make mistakes? Don’t you?

Yours sincerely,

A criticized mother.

**This weblog is solely my opinion. Feel free to challenge me, disagree with me, or tell me I’m completely nuts in the comments section, but I reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason whatsoever – so keep it polite, please.

[wordads]